hi dear...soo...here's your surprise :G and if it says it's the 18th, its the time difference, because its still the 17th here 88
you know today it's exactly one year for us...(officially at least, we started talking in november of 2009 :D)
i really hope you don't get mad that i snuck on your fotolog to do this for you...i know things have changed and times moved on, but my feelings for you are always the same :$
for some reason, it's always been so much easier for me to tell you how i feel on this...to write all my thoughts and feelings out...maybe it's because im so afraid to hear you dont feel the same, that you lost those feelings
i dont have a lot to say...just the same things, that i miss you a lot
i know i've been saying that we can be friends and all this and i know sometimes we feel we both changed and we're different...but lately something's different...like in the best way
since we started talking more, and talking on the phone which we both love, and hopefully talking on msn (so i can do perv things (6) ) i dont know its just felt like us again, you know? maybe ? maybe not? honestly, in the past like 6 months that we haven't been together, there's days that my heart shatters with the thought of losing you...and some days i'm okay and it doesn't seem so bad...but then listen mi amor :G
there's something that's 100% true...and its that EVERY NIGHT, every single night, every single night since the day i met you (november 24th (a) ) you are the first thing i think about when i wake up in the morning, and the last thing i think about (and dream about) right before i fall asleep :$:$:$
i hope that doesnt sound like...creepy...honestly i dont understand why time doesnt make me forget you, forget the memories...normally time helps me move on...but you, my sweet, are the exception...time just makes the memories grow stronger instead of fading away, and my feelings somehow are still there after all this time and everything that's happened
and i dont want to get into the sad things, but my biggest regret is losing you, is running away from us. theres not a day that goes by that i dont regret it, that i dont miss you, javier theres not a day that goes by that i dont wish to be right there beside you, holding your hand, laughing, smiling together, being together, being happy with eachother...i still want that after all this time
i dont know how you feel...and i know i've tried to be just friends, but i needed to tell you this, i needed to telll you...
that i still love you, with all my heart. i am still completely desperately in love with you mi amor, its true
maybe you dont care or dont want that, its alright, you know what i want most is for YOU to be happy, because i care about you so much sweetheart
sooo...yeah...here i am, just pouring my heart out to you ahahaha
i just..miss everything..i miss our movie dates (final destination, twilight on our anniversary 77, our hour long phone conversations, our silly games on msn (staring competitions and spelling words with our hands) seeing eachother...perv times...:z....all your stories from work...your summer when you would sit all day at home waiting for me to come home from school so we could talk (L) the songs we sent eachother, the pictures together, honestly just everything, i could go on and on. i miss your eyes, i miss when you ROLLED your eyes when i asked you to wave hi on msn :D when you would give me a big kiss when we said goodnight...when you would laugh and shake your head because i said something completely retarded as usual...when vita would walk by and beat you up :z the day you got my package and showed me teddy arrived :z when you got babies cindy and lea aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...all the things we planned to do together, all the places you wanted to take me, i miss it all, i want it all so bad
i know we're miles and worlds apart...but it doesn't matter to me, i know that you will always have my heart dear, my love
javier, not a day goes by that i dont think about you. you're always on my mind, always in my heart (L)
so i know usually at the end of these we post song lyrics for eachother :D but this time im going to change it up a little...this is a poem, and its my absolute favorite, and it reminds me of you... :G
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in
my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere I go, you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
And whatever a sun will always sing is you
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart...
...I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)
te amo.
On January 17 2011
33 Views
