Questioning

"There are times when I question the validity of what I do. Why do all I can to save a life? Why jump in, no questions asked, not giving it a second thought as to what the future might hold for this person? We make many of these decisions automatically, so to speak, if you are, basically, not quite dead yet or even if you are recently dead (sudden cardiac arrest) we will throw everything, including the kitchen sink to try to save your life. But to what end…what kind of life are we giving you, and what life long struggles will you and your loved ones have to endure.

These thoughts flow through my psyche as I stand at the bedside of a patient today. The call was for difficulty breathing to an address that seemed familiar but not so sure. As I stand next to a young man in a hospital type bed who is only a shadow of who he once was the same questions arise again. His dreams, his families dreams, his friends dreams shattered in an instant last March. In that moment, all that he was, all that he could be, all that he would have been, became all that he never would be except for alive. And all he was, was alive, everything else was gone. I stand there and talk to him, no answers can come from him, wondering if he understands, seeing the heartache, the hardness on the families faces, of the dreams that will never be, pains me, again the same questions .

I was there that day in March when his dreams faded away. I was with him in the car as we all were, jumping in feet first, no questions asked, throwing everything including the kitchen sink, but knowing, damnit, full well knowing, that our efforts were futile, his dreams had already faded away.

Maybe we do this with the unrealistic hope of a miracle, the one in a million that this one will keep their dreams. Maybe that is why or maybe not. All I know is that it saddens me and I do not know why, I see death, heartache and suffering on a daily basis. Seeing his dreams gone, deeply, deeply saddens me and again the questions flow though my psyche as the tears roll down my cheek... "





On October 06 2008 1 Views

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