<B>The jellyfish</B>
[Scene: The beach. Chandler and Monica are out getting some sun.]

Chandler: All right, there’s a nuclear holocaust, I’m the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me?

Monica: Ennnh.

Chandler: I’ve got canned goods.

Joey: (jumping up in a hole that he is digging, he is shoulder deep) Hey, you guys! Take a look at this! (Chandler and Monica jump up and go over to the hole.) Check this baby out, dug me a hole!

Chandler: Excellent hole, Joe.

(A wave crashes on the beach and partially fills up his hole.)

Joey: Oh no! No!! My hole!!

Monica: (screaming in pain) Ow!! Ow!!!

Joey: (climbing out of the hole) What?! What?!! What is it?!

Monica: Jellyfish sting! Oh, it hurts! It hurts!! It hurts!!

Chandler: Well, can we help?! You want us to take you back to the house?!

Monica: It’s like two miles!

Joey: Yeah, and I’m a little tired from digging the hole.

Monica: Oh damn the jellyfish. Damn all the jellyfish!

Chandler: We’ve got to do something!

Joey: Well, there’s really only one thing you can do.

Monica: What?! What is it?!

Joey: You’re gonna have to pee on it.

Monica: What?!! Gross!!

Joey: Don’t blame me, I saw it on The Discovery Channel.

Chandler: Y'know what, he’s right. There’s something like uh, ammonia in that, that like kills the pain.

Monica: Well forget it! It doesn’t hurt that (tries to take a step) baaad!!!!

Joey: If you want some privacy you can use my hole.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are sitting at the table eating dinner and not talking. Ross and Rachel are outside cuddling on the balcony.]

Monica: Pass the cheese, please.

(Joey hands her the cheese without looking at her.)

Monica: My God, you can’t even look at me! Can you?

Joey: Nope.

(Phoebe enters.)

Chandler: (jumping up) Hey! It's Phoebe! We can talk to Phoebe!!

Phoebe: No. I’m-I’m to depressed to talk.

Chandler: I’ll give you a thousand dollars to talk to us.

Ross: (coming back in with Rachel) Hey, you guys! What do you, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?

Chandler, Monica, and Joey: NO!!!

Rachel: All right, that’s it, you guys! What happened out there?

Monica: What? We took a walk, nothing happened. I came back with nothing all over me.

Ross and Rachel: Come on!

Ross: What happened? Joey?

Joey: All right. (gets up)

Monica: (stopping him) No! Joey, we swore we’d never tell!

Chandler: (running over and joining Monica) They’ll never understand!

Joey: Well, we have to say something! We have to get it out! It’s eating me alive!! Monica got stung by a jellyfish.

Monica: (interrupting) All right!! All right. (walks slowly into the living room) I got stung. Stung bad. I couldn’t stand. I-I couldn’t walk.

Chandler: (following Monica) We were two miles from the house. Scared and alone. We didn’t think we could make it. (He goes to put his hands on Monica’s shoulders but for some reason canŽt quite complete the action and pulls back.)

Monica: I was in too much pain.

Joey: And I was tired from digging the huge hole!

Chandler: And then Joey remembered something.

Joey: I’d seen this thing on The Discovery Channel...

Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!

Phoebe and Rachel: Ewwww!!

Monica: You can’t say that!! You-you don’t know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldn’t...bend that way. So... (looks at Joey.)

Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel: (turning to look at Joey) Ewwww!!

Joey: That’s right I stepped up! She’s my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, I’d pee on anyone of you! Only, uhh, I couldn’t. I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was too much pressure. So-so I uh, I turned to Chandler.

Chandler: (wails loudly into his hands) Joey kept screaming at me, “Do it now! Do it!! Do it! Do it now!!” Sometimes late at night I can still hear the screaming.

Joey: (laughs) That’s ‘cause sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out.




On August 29 2008 13 Views

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